Those Little Mistakes We Make
by porcelain.blue
Summary: Johnny McGregor: although the occasional lofty jerk, he's also the funniest, most decent guy I know. In addition, he had the privilege of being my first graceless fauxpas of the new spring season...AU OC R&R svp
1. Miyami's Bedroom

Those Little Mistakes We Make

◦

_for Gemz,  
motivation, inspiration, devotion_

◦

* * *

•AN• : nothing really. just my way of venting the drowning-sensation of guilt. (wails) Yahya forgive me!!

•Disclaimer• : don't own don't sue. **Miyami Kinomiya** -- mine. **Amber Benson** -- Zadien.

•Warnings• : AU. OC. language.

•PS• : forgive the drama-queen-like behavior herein. it takes place on Miyami's birthday, the overhype of problems is allowed.

* * *

Those Little Mistakes We Make

April 13th, 2010.

_Dear Inner-Ego:_

_I have, on many occasions, complained about my lack of verbal-filter; its absence is slowly leading to my social demise as I continue to let-slip the stupidest of untamed comments. My parents instilled in me a 'think before you speak' mechanism which has, of late, dissipated. Lord knows why; it just vacated my brain the instant my age began supporting that angst-inducing, pretentious suffix which incites a roll of the eyes from experienced adults: Teen. In this, my third year of 'teendom', I'm starting to realize why my mother spieled about thought-before-talk. _

_Where in all Hell am I going with this? _

_Right about here: Johnny McGregor. Although we barely speak beyond a few between-class greetings and quick smiles, I still seem to have this unshakable infatuation with him. Which sucks for me because my verbal-filterlessness is more pronounced. Every damn time a conversational opportunity arises, some graceless faux-pas falls from my mouth like bombs over Baghdad__. Today, however, it was worst. Stupid stupid stupid words, all in a row, structuring a stupid stupid stupid sentence which has me feeling Emo._

_Heh, that rhymed._

_I'm not a bitch. I'm not even remotely cruel or antagonistic. Really, I make a supreme effort to be civil to everyone who saunters into my life – even for the briefest moment. But somehow I came across as the dirtiest, skuzziest, lowest-of-the-low person at GWHS. Amber'll tell you; I'm not self-serving, I don't believe __**anyone**__ owes me for my presence, and I'm usually incredibly careful about the phrases I form. Yet, you'd never know it after my self-centric performance yesterday afternoon. It resembled an out of body experience: Everything went in-the-movies Slow Mo as Johnny and I exchanged pleasantries between French I and Ethics._

_

* * *

_

"Miyami‼ Suppertime‼"

"Be down in a minute!"

* * *

_The kickstart of my week was great – borderline perfect – as Johnny invited me for pizza with he and his friends. I felt a little out of place, naturally, but managed a sociable appearance throughout the _hour and a half _we spent hanging out at Ollie's restaurant. Fuck if I ever go there again…Not after yesterday; the sheer embarrassment alone would kill me but the guilt and resentment toward my dim, oh-so-OOC display would cement a bitchiness I've never once roused till now. There we were, getting to know each other, my heart like a marching band__, laughing and joking like friends do. That isn't when it happened, which is obvious as today is Saturday and the day my soul withered & died was yesterday – Friday. Needless to say, I was elated thereafter (going back to pizza with Johnny) and skipped home like a six year old after a sunny summertime birthday party._

_

* * *

_

"**Miyami**‼ Hurry up or we're starting without you!"

("Oh. We can't eat yet?")

"One sec‼"

* * *

_Intuition informed me that Friday wouldn't be nearly as high-spirited. In fact, I felt physically ill that morning – as though I were going through withdrawal. Of what, don't ask because I'm as unsure as you are. The walk to school was routine: The new-summer sun shone gloriously and, meeting Amber halfway, I got to indulge in those delicious mocha pancakes Treasa thinks Amber loves. Truthfully, Bambi's fake-fixation on mocha pancakes is for me since my mom sucks at breakfast foods and her mom rocks the kitchen better than Martha Stewart and Rachael Ray _combined_. Hardcore, huh? (Thanks Bambi (:) _

_Johnny, who's in my World Literature class, let me lean on him in my sickly state – indeed, I grin – and allowed me to share deskspace with him when Mariam stole my window-seat so she could gawk at the senior track team. _

_The sun was still shining. _

_Little things filled the time between World Lit and the five minute hallway exchange. All pleasant, not-an-inkling-of-bad-karma things. Good lunch, good laughs: Perhaps mockingly good? That deceptive calm before the storm type of good. Damn it, I'm so overanalyzing this. But I digress. As I stumbled through the shoulder-to-shoulder blockade of students traveling to the last block on their schedules, I bumped nose-first into his chest. Not painful, just surprising. He's usually on the exact _other_ side of the school for his last Friday class. _

_He smiled this boyish, lopsided smile that could force the sun into early retirement and pulled me to the outskirts of the crowd where we could wait out the congestion. Again, my heart sung a bump-bump-fuck it-burst ditty as is normal when he's nearby (nevermind right _there_). And that's when it happened. Let me reenact that car-accident for you._

_**Johnny**__: (pulls me aside)_

_**Me**__: 'Hey,' (thinks about desperately wanting to spend time with Johnny) 'Johnny, I need you. I'm broke and you have pizza.'_

_Stop drop kaboom. That bomb exploded without a hitch. Yes, you read correctly; the above is what a manipulative whore uses when she's golddigging. It's what I use when my idiocy makes thinking second-priority. Had he not treated me on Wednesday, the situation might possibly have been lighter – here I wince. _

_I was a level of excited that doesn't come with verbal awareness. All I wanted to do was spend more time with Johnny, especially as he's leaving for summer break a month early (some unchangeable travel-date is to blame) and I likely won't see him until next fall. That alone breaks my heart. What I blurted wasn't what I wanted to say but who can honestly admit to telling their crush they like them when said crush barely knows them? Alright, a few folks; still, my head decided it would be weird of me to profess my undying infatuation when we can't correctly list each other's favorite color and starsigns._

_No use getting Scene__ over this, though._

_Mending this is my current focus, of course. My guilt won't let me think about anything else. Wednesday morning we have exams and I fully intend to apologize to him before his departure. There is no way I'm letting him fly away believing I'm some species of nasty-female-manipulator. (Bangs head against headboard) Stupid stupid stupid mouth; stupid pretty Scotsman; stupid feelings; just __**stupid**_

_And that damn sun kept warming Frisco jovially._

_

* * *

_

"Miyami Kinomiya, get your butt down here or Bade gets what on your plate‼"

"Alright alright, I'm _coming_!"

* * *

_(Moan) _

It might as well have rained.

* * *

-----------------------------------------------•

**bombs over Baghdad** – song by _Outkast_

**my heart like a marching band** – from the song _Morris Brown_, also by _Outkast_

**Scene** – a social stereotype similar (if not _exactly the same as_) Emo. they're 'known' for cutting (_scratching_) themselves over the silliest circumstances.

_Inspirational Soundtrack_  
-------------

Sucks to be You – **Prozzäk **  
Pedestal – **Fergie**


	2. Miyami's Balcony

•AN: i emailed this to my good friend (& self-proclaimed #1 fan), Gemz, who suggested i turn this into a series of Miyami-centric drabbles. upon reading her comical response – a narrative in Amber's p.o.v, i decided to continue the game & produce another 3-page "journal entry".

•Disclaimer: Miyami -- mine. Amber -- Zadien. Aspin -- Fayeth.

•Warnings: AU. OC. language.

•PS: perhaps i should state now that the events Miyami's experienced are based on my tumultuous lifestyle. ignore the absurdity of it all (:

* * *

Those Little Mistakes We Make

April 17th, 2010.

_To whom it may concern:_

_I believe it is in your best interest to know that, although having experienced a short – and excruciating – period of uncertainty and guilt, I (Miyami Kinomiya) have restored balance to the discord of my life and am now reaping what good karma I was unjustly denied during the weekend. As previously explained, Johnny McGregor had the misfortune of being the first and – in retrospect – __**only**__ (gorgeous) individual subjected to my oral-ineptitude on that, Friday, April twelfth, at approximately two-fifteen PM. Too preoccupied with an anger I assumed he felt, I failed to absorb his reaction and therefore didn't realize that he wasn't, in fact, tepid toward my remark. _

Yes indeed, ladies and gents, the heart of my life is still smiling that light-up-a-dark-room smile and winking those flirtatious winks whenever I see him in the hallway. Fate, true to her sweet, generous nature, allowed me another chance to spend time with him this afternoon which has me somewhere between pep-rally-gleeful and LSD-high. 'Me' equals 'more-than-morphine-happy'. Taking Aspin and Max's to-the-point advice, I marched into school, apology prepared, and waited like a watchful puppy momentarily abandoned outside a convenience store, trying to catch a glimpse of its owner. No lie: I was that_ desperate to make right. Somewhere between the first warning bell and the second schoolbus' arrival, he emerged from the crowd alongside Eddy and my oh-so-colorfully-emotional cousin, Kai. _

And that's when I knew the sun hadn't stopped shining in my soul (oh-em-gee, so cheesy). Johnny both greeted AND hugged me. Of course, Kai knocked him upside the head – family obligation since Keith's still sick – and threatened the life of his future children but the moment existed which is all the confirmation I needed.

Amber said it would work out. Heck, _**Tyson**__ said it would work out and if someone that relationship-unsavvy is saying it then my reaction was overkill. Someone could'a mentioned that my melodramatic-self had me on auto-drama queen._

_

* * *

_

"…I did."

"Bambi, reading over my shoulder warrants death."

"Just sayin': I did." (_smug grin_)

* * *

_  
After nitpicking the scenario on Friday night with Captain Kai (who, in this obscenely stoic and blatant manner, asked that I _shut up_ and _concentrate on my footwork_ – you see, because every goalie is required to know how to tackle like a midfielder) and harassing Tyson's ears for the thousandth time, Bambi (also present) decided that I was "daft" and would be accompanying she and Azie__ for an evening of hard laughs and restaurant-hopping__. It's a weekend ritual; one we've maintained since kindergarten, except nowadays we do more than fingerpaint and aren't comatose by seven-thirty. Thank the cosmos I have them otherwise I'd have become an obsessed basement-dwelling stalker equipped with nervous stutter and newspaper-clipping-wallpaper. Can't picture it? Yeah, it's better if you try not to. _

That, for sure, would've done more than irk Johnny. At least without the sociopathic-factor I knew the situation was fixable.

It must also be written that I am privileged to have friends like Amber and Chaya who, regardless of my twitchy, obsessive behavior, hurt my crush for hurting me (all with the best intentions, naturally). What occurrence am I referring to?

* * *

"Bambi?"

"Mm-hm?"

"Was it you or Chaya who punched Johnny in the lunch line yesterday?"

"Chaya. I gutted him in P.E. Monday; the responsibility rotates. Trying work."

"You're such a nerd."

* * *

_  
Ozuma let-slip to Sonia – who gossiped to me – that Amber had uncapped her aggression on Johnny sometime Monday morning (which coincides with their Phys Ed class). When asked "why", she merely stated for the press (i.e. Ollie, biggest school snoop ever), 'because the gowl had the nerve to upset my best friend‼' You'd think the teachers would've taken some kind of action to discipline our untamed Amber but, no, they astonishingly _agreed_ with her. Who knew I was so popular and well-liked? _

—Ego-stroking ends here, swears—

Johnny, unaware of the reasoning behind her abrupt violence-inflicting habit, must think I'm crazy by association. Yet that didn't stop us from hanging out today – much to Kai's chagrin! Half-days are boss: They entail good karma and good karma makes me pleased. I'm not sure why GWHS declared today, Wednesday, a half-day when we're in the last leg of term and no holidays are in sight…? Maybe they wanted to give us a brea — There's no way I can finish that without laughing myself to the psychiatric ward.

Digressing: I hadn't anticipated bumping into Johnny again, certain that he and his crew had already bounced. Standing outside, deliberating between Ollie's milkshakes or Rei's backyard tropical getaway, I saw Mariam lingering alone. Here's the lowdown on our affiliation: Amber fosters a deeply-rooted dislike toward Mariam since Mariam publicly humiliated her in, get this, 5_th__ Grade. Amber is infamous for holding grudges and delivering her revenge when you think you're finally safe; as aforestated, my BFF is aggressive to the max but in all the right ways (: Anyway, she – Mariam – hangs with Johnny more than her own boyfriend so I chanced it and asked who she was waiting for. If you guessed the yummy Scotsman, you're right. _

This is the part where I gush. Johnny, amidst the guy's soccer team, wandered casually over to where we stood and, rather than greet Mariam first, he put an arm around my shoulders and asked where we were all headed for lunch. Eddy, Michael and Mariam opted for Ollie's pizza while Johnny announced that his decision vetoed all others and was therefore law. Pretty much pulled-in, I joined them for a meal at Dundee's. Unable to feed my broke ass, I said I'd just watch – eating being an edge-of-seat spectacle. Both Michael and Johnny demanded_ (nowhere close to "asked") that I order something while they'd cover the cost. Seriously sweet._

_

* * *

_

"You should just tell him you like him."

"Interruptions don't make this faster."

"I'm not kidding! Then you could date and perhaps my headaches would subside."

"You think my Johnny-issues are causing your headaches?"

"…Of course not…"

* * *

_  
The full four hours we spent together, he didn't leave my side, suggesting that he may share my feelings. Hesitant to pursue the matter, however, I know I won't uncover that truth anytime soon (pout). Damn it! Why'd he have to be the flirtatious type!? Questioning his perception of me and whether or not he's equally as smitten has begun to erode by emotional patience. If this continues, a Romeo and Juliet destiny awaits in my near future, trust that. Well, perhaps lacking the 'lovers killing themselves for one another' thing…Alright, I leave it at: If this continues, a tragic Shakespearean destiny awaits in my near future. Better?_

_

* * *

_

"Tell me you're through."

(_Sigh_) "I'll be through, just for you."

"Oh, thank the Lord; I dunno _how_ you manage to scribe everything…_daily_."

"Symptom Diary not working as planned?"

"Not quite…"

* * *

…

Miyami is a doofus.

…

* * *

"**KEITH**‼"

* * *

-----------------------------------------------•

**Azie** – Miyami's nickname for Aspin

**restaurant-hopping** – the straightedge variation of barhopping

_Inspirational Soundtrack_  
-------------

Second Chances – **Faber Drive **  
Feeling This – **Blink 182**


	3. Ollie's Restaurant

•AN: shortest addition. 2 pages long. i feel _exactly_ what Miyami's feeling. more to come soon so keep an eye out!

•Disclaimer: Miyami -- mine. Amber -- Zadien. Aspin -- Fayeth. Sonia -- Spitfire-Sae. Chaya -- KuriQuinn.

•Warnings: AU. OC. language.

* * *

Those Little Mistakes We Make

April 19th, 2010.

_Dear Inner-Ego:_

_Today's emotional forecast is mainly cheerful with abundant flirtatiousness and a high of head-over-heels which will later break for awkward confusion and an overnight low of uncertainty. I'm beginning to wonder if my attraction toward Johnny McGregor is unhealthy: All my friends ever hear these days is, "Johnny this" and "Johnny that". Hell, I'm the target of Cupid's bull's-eye and am equally as fed up with my wavering, obsessively-smitten behavior. I miss the old me who relaxed into a situation without analyzing every minute detail of what's going down. You know it's a debacle when I can't recall the last time I was entirely at ease with myself and simply doing what I do best: Acting crazy, outspoken, bouncing-off-the-walls-spontaneous and a smidgen of laidback for those intense spells. Where did _that_ go, huh? _

Probably locked in a closet somewhere, waiting to be set free while I fantasize about some damned Celt who transmits mixed messages via desirous gestures. Devil-may-care disposition and perfectly timed expressions or words; he's a fiery, passionate (and occasionally lofty) chick-magnet pulling me closer and closer while furthermore keeping his distance, as if to say, 'I'm here, I'm available but you can't have me'. Holy mother of God, smite me now before I grab the pocket knife and do as the Scene kids do. Heh heh, ch'ya right, because my agent would overlook that.

_Heavy sigh. _

_Griping about unchangeable truths isn't my life's ambition so I'll promptly fermer ma geûle__ and try to conquer these warring feelings of naïve doubt and confident amour in order to recapture my old essence._

_

* * *

_

"Ben, so Chays is 'aving the bagel & cream-cheese, Amber, you're 'aving the strawberry crêpe and large coffee. Sonia, tu veux le… – "

" – _Good Morning_ single; no potatoes though, please."

"Oui, ça va. Aspin and Mariah, the usual, and Miyami…surprise you (_knowing smile_)?"

"Always. Thanks Ollie."

"Pas problème, ma petite monstre."

* * *

_  
(I should really quit jotting things down when amongst my pretty-ladies. There could be dismemberment in my future.) _

_Okay sure, Johnny and I kept each other company yesterday, and he bought me a smoothie – somehow knowing my favorite flavor – and, yes, we covered the general one-on-one conversation topics (controversial issues that I'd only discuss with Amber since she knows I can be serious and contemplative – everyone else has the tendency to mock my studious or political self so I keep it under wraps), but that isn't enough for him to think he_ GETS _me. That's what's worrying; I'm afraid he sees me as this toned-down version of the formerly extrovert Miyami. A shell of what once was. Something's keeping me from tapping into that former-extrovert, though, and I honestly think it is he, Mr. Delicious Redheaded Scotsman._

_Amber's lucky: She doesn't think I recognize her crush on the elusive "_him_" she'll once-in-awhile confide in me about, but it's obvious. Well, to my trained eye, that is. Kai ("_him_") is thick as a stunned wall when the subject is romance and adolescent dating. Unless Bambi confronts him with a florescent sign professing her feelings as she stands drenched and naked in a pair of leather stilettos, he'll remain as such… He doesn't flirt, he doesn't tease, his thoughts are very straightforward (if you know him) and he tells you his impression of you immediately. That blunt honesty is what I need from Johnny so I can either move on after rejection or fall further in heart after acceptance. But, oh no, he has to be Sir Unreadable!_

_

* * *

_

"Voila mes filles, bon appétit!"

(_Unison_) "Thanks Ollie‼"

"Hey Maymi, what is that? Looks _huge_."

"Seriously. Uhm, vanilla milkshake with whipped cream. Kinda resembles a sundae, huh?"

"For _breakfast_!? So not kosher."

"Chaya says, having eaten _pizza_ for breakfast every day this week!"

"Wouldn't talk, Mariah: Miss Chocolate Cake _and_ Rice."

"…I've suddenly lost my ability to enjoy food."

* * *

_  
We had _somewhat-fun_ on Thursday – yesterday – when we spent time maneuvering through the downtown Frisco crowd. It was chilly, though, so we spent most of the afternoon in this smoothie place where the walls could give a neutrals-lover epilepsy. No joke: yellow, pink, orange; a version of tropical that Rei's backyard would be ashamed to consider an imitation. Speaking of which, I miss his backyard (__**note to self, drop in tonight**__). One hour tick-tocked into the next and, at around three-thirty, we shuffled over to Battle Net. Don't assume I'm any level of gamer – that would be a sight to behold – but the internet is available there. I introduced him to Demetri Martin and he showed me a clip of Dane Cook (brain ninjas) which was hilarious. _

_I showed Amber the same clip last night and she stared at me like I'd grown a second head. But my ADD allows me to be versatile in the land of comedy. I'll laugh at anything. In fact, my personality used to be versatile until it faded into whatever it is now._

_Halfway through one of the clips, I hear him _yawn_ then give this _exasperated sigh_. What the heck is up with that!? Am I really so boring that I make people sleepy? I've been mulling over this incessantly now and will die if that's the case._

_

* * *

_

"Who thinks Amber should come dancing tonight?"

"Lord Almighty, Aspin, I told you I'm not dancin' till there's a snowstorm in Hell."

"Good news then; I checked the weather down there and it seems they're experiencing a blizzard."

"**Miyami**‼ Betrayal! Betrayal!"

"C'mon, it's just Enrique's. No boozohol or underdressed mannequins."

"_We_ are not friends anymore…"

"Love you like breathing." (_cheesy grin_.)

* * *

_  
I feel like crying…Hurt me. Please, someone, hurt me._

_

* * *

_

-----------------------------------------------•

"…**my agent would overlook that.**" – Miyami is a freelance model & actress

"…**fermer ma geûle**" – a Quebecois saying. similar to _shut my mouth_ but i'm unsure of an _exact_ translation.

"**Ben **…** Sonia, tu veux le**…" – there is no word for _Ben_; perhaps 'so'…? _tu veux le_ is _you want the_…simple (:

"**Oui, ça va**" – yes, that's fine.

"**Pas problème, ma petite monstre**" – no problem, little monster (Ollie's nickname for Miyami)

_Inspirational Soundtrack_  
-------------

What Is It About Men – **Amy Winehouse **  
Talk to Me – **George**


End file.
